Tagged: Even Steven

Expert League Update: First Place




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After the final pitch was thrown last night and I had secured
a 7-2-1 victory for the week, I noticed something peculiar — I have the best
record in the league. 


Platoon knees.jpg

It’s officially the latest in a season I’ve held first place
in a fantasy baseball league, beating the old record by infinity.  At no point last season was my name at the
top of the standings and I didn’t expect to break that streak in my first
expert league this season.  Given the
quality of my opponents, I figured to spend most of my season in front of my TV
in the Willem Dafoe in “Platoon” position: 
On my knees, arms lifted to the sky, sucking wind and left for dead, wondering
how everything went so wrong.


Instead, I’m stumbling around with the same look Jerry had in
the Even Steven episode of “Seinfeld.”  No
matter what I do, things seem to work out for me in the end, so I’m just
sitting back and enjoying the ride.  The
question is how long will it last?


My guess is another month or so, but not much longer than
that.  There is no way my guys can keep
up with their preposterously hot starts. 
When I drafted Carlos Pena and Adrian Gonzalez, I was hoping to get 70
bombs between them.  At their current
pace, they are going to be in that neighborhood by the All-Star break.  Raul Ibanez is putting up huge numbers, turning
back the clock at the age of 36 (and it’s not even his clock, he looks more
like Ted Williams right now than himself). 
And Ian Kinsler has played well enough that my girlfriend is starting to
get (rightfully) jeolous over how much I swoon for him.


Eventually these guys have to cool down and my team will
level off accordingly.  I actually look
forward to it in a weird way, as I’ll be able to enjoy the game more when I’m
not constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I mean, I don’t want to end up like Randy Quaid
in “Major League 2”, rooting against my own team and saying things like “so
what, they’ll blow it in the playoffs” when I should be celebrating, but that’s
kind of how I feel right now.  Or maybe I’m
just saying that so the Fantasy gods won’t smote me (not the worst idea).  But either way, all writers are more fun to
read when they have something to complain about, so if my team continues to
boom, look for me to start making up fake feuds and starting nonsense arguments
soon (WHIP: Friend or Foe?  Tune in next
to find out.)  Should be fun.